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We navigated the city together, ghostwrote each other’s romantic text messages, and battled homesickness with bottles of Trader Joe’s Cabernet Sauvignon and Twin Peaks episodes. You’ll be okay.” So, I challenged myself to find new companions.
I have to remind myself there isn’t a rush or goal line to friendships. Over the holidays, I spent a couple weeks in Missouri; and afterward, like always, it was hard to leave my old friends.
Yet for the first time since my move, I was also eager to return to new pals. Stella’s beauty uniform, and Mindy Kaling’s friendship advice.
Maybe the exchange will be just the run-of-the-mill, awkward small-talk, maybe I’ll meet someone who also has a celebrity crush on Michael Shannon and maybe, just maybe, there could be a long-term connection there.
I had to give it a shot — and bribe myself with 90’s sitcom reruns when I got home. You can have friendly experiences throughout your day without putting pressure on yourself to meet a soulmate immediately.
(I almost died.) But, I realized, in moderation, there is magic to that mindset.
We had things to talk about (the party, the host, the food) and if we ended up hitting it off, it was easier to enter larger groups with a sidekick. Certain things I usually do on my own — like Sunday night movies and evening strolls — but I’ve started asking acquaintances to join me, especially if it ties into something we’ve discussed recently.It takes the pressure off their feeling obligated to go and gives the occasion a casual vibe.
Like Barbra Streisand once sang, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” Have you made new friends as an adult? The group collectively murmured, “Noooooo,” anytime the story began to take a turn. To break the tension at the end of every story, one of the guests would say, “And he’s here tonight. ” Brooklyn began to feel like home again that night. Large social gatherings where I didn’t know many guests used to give me the cold sweats.It’s tricky to insert yourself into conversations (those excruciating minutes smiling at the edge of the circle!For example, if we had chatted about how many good movies are playing right now, I would say, “I’m going to see La La Land tonight; if you’re free, you should come! At first, I put too much pressure on myself when I began new activities with the intention of finding a good friend. (It’s like that saying about dates: If you shave your legs, you’re less likely to get lucky.) When I think back to when I met my BFFs, I realized I wasn’t initially aware of how much those relationships would later mean to me.But over time, as you share experiences and lean on each other, the bond strengthens.When I first came to New York, a year and a half ago, I moved into a tiny apartment with my two best friends from Missouri. And there were nights I needed someone to squeeze my shoulder and, with flicker of a smile, say, “My god.